1. Thou shalt not anthropomorphize.
2. Thou shalt be a critical thinker.
3. Thou shalt not think teleologically--not everything on this planet is for some purpose.
4. Thou shall be parsimonious in all of thy explanations for what you observe. That is, thou shalt not invoke a complex explanation of a behavior when a simpler explanation will do.
5. Thou shalt think of testable hypotheses to explain what thee observe. That means that what you propose should be ethically and practically "do-able," and that the result will indicate clearly that one and only one interpretation is possible.
6. Thou shalt extend your compassion to all living things, and endeavor to put species-ism aside.
I. Though shalt not cite directly a paper thou hast not read. (However,
when drafting, thou may and should cite from abstracts; when doing so,
thou shalt make it clear that this is what thou art doing by using proper
APA formatting.) Neither shalt thou include in thy reference section any
paper that thou hast not read nor any paper which has not been cited in
the body of thy paper. Such practices constitute the "padding"
of thy reference section. They are an abomination.
II. Thou shalt use the spell-checker and grammar-checker tools of thy
word-processing software, and ensureth that thy paper is free of obvious
errors. Thou shalt submit ALL work typed and double-spaced, so as to take
pity on thy readers.
III. When paraphrasing part of an article, thou must significantly rewrite
the relevant material. Failure to paraphrase constitutes plagiarism for
which thee will be cut down.
IV. Excessive quotations are to be avoided. If thou canst not paraphrase
a thing, thou dost not understand that thing. If thou dost not understand
a thing, study it until thou dost understand it and by that understanding,
are able to paraphrase it. Excessive quotes are naught more than "filler
material" used by slothful students who do not have enough material
to write a decent paper.
In the rare case that thou must use a quotation thou must know that short
quotations shalt always be enclosed within quotation marks. Quotations
longer than one or two sentences shall be indented. All quotations must
be followed by both the reference and the relevant page number (e.g.,
Pollak, 1974, p.322). Thou shalt include page numbers only for quotations.
For paraphrased material though shalt cite only the author(s) and date.
V. Though shalt use APA style in all things. Thou shalt consult the APA
style manual or any current issue of the American Psychologist. APA style
means that thou shalt use few (if any) footnotes and that all references
will be cited in the body of the paper (e.g., Pollak, 1974). Thou shalt
not use numbered references. They are an abomination.
VI. Thou shalt avoid long, flowery, complex sentences in favor of a
crisp, professional, telegraphic style.
VII. Thou shalt include an abstract at the beginning of thy paper. An
abstract is a summary of thy paper. It is not an introduction to thy paper.
VIII. Thou shalt use only those sources that come from scholarly journals
and books. Psychology Today and other popular magazines are not scholarly
journals. Neither are internet sources and encyclopedias appropriate for
college-level papers. These things are an abomination before our eyes.
IX. Thou must know that many of thy resources will not be contained within
the library of Wheaton College and must be sought elsewhere or must be
ordered through inter-library loan. Therefore I say unto thee, verily
must thou begin thy research at the earliest possible time lest the day
of judgment approach and thou art found wanting before thy professor.
X. Thy professor is a jealous professor. Do not attempt to place upon
her lectern a paper first written for another professor or obtained from
a database of papers. But know too that thy professor is also gentle and
gracious professor and that thou mayest consult with thy professor at
any and all stages of the research and writing process that thou might
not fall into error. Thy professor shalt treat thy inquiries with helpfulness
and charity even unto reading multiple early drafts of thy work. If thou
dost listen to my words and do these things that I command, thou will
be found worthy and thy grade point average will prosper even unto summa
cum laude.
*Anthropomorphism:
Attribution of human
motivation, characteristics, or behavior to inanimate objects, animals,
or natural phenomena.
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*Compassion:
Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve
it.
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*Critical:
Characterized by careful, exact evaluation and judgment: a critical reading.
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*Parsimony:
A rule in science and philosophy stating that the simplest of two or more
competing theories is preferable and that an explanation for unknown phenomena
should first be attempted in terms of what is already known.
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*Species-ism:
Human intolerance or discrimination on the basis of species, especially
as manifested by cruelty to or exploitation of animals.
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*Teleology:
Belief in or the perception of purposeful development toward an end, as
in nature or history.
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